In answer to a question about anal exploration with a reluctant partner…
I encourage you to explore anal on your own too. Making friends with your own butt is a wonderfully pleasurable experience and is best the first step. As you learn how to feel there and how to dive into the erotic sensations, you also gain confidence in being able to relax and open. (Did you know your butt has a HUGE concentration of nerve endings just waiting to be awakened? YUMMM) Oooh and this is critical…the ass is not self-lubricating…USE A LOT OF LUBE.
Once your ass knows what a good time it is in for, and you learn how to prepare yourself, then you can teach him more easily.
Here’s a little nutshell anal outline from one of my classes. I hope it is useful
Remember The Basics!
Safe Space – Create a comfortable safe space to play with all the lube, condoms, gloves, towels, toys, water, blankets, and anything else you may want close at hand. Is the room temperature good? Is the bed/floor/couch/bathtub/kitchen table you are playing on comfortable for everyone?
Personal Care – Take care of your personal body needs such as drinking water, using the bathroom, filing your nails. Are you hungry, uncomfortable in your clothes, or in need of anything? Is your phone turned off?
Connecting – Take some time to connect with the other person/people/yourself. Practice some eye-gazing, gentle touch, breathe together, last minute check in, cuddling, and anything else that will help you feel connected and ready to play.
Warm Up – Foreplay is crucial to pleasurable anal play (especially in the beginning). Start with whatever your favorite types of foreplay are and bring your erotic awareness (and blood flow) to your ass. Warm up the person and their butt.
Insert slowly- Go slow when inserting fingers/toys/cocks into the butt. Give the receiver time to adjust to the sensations.
Relax – Take some deep breaths and relax. If things start to get tense or difficult, take a minute and go back to connecting and warm up.
Experience oriented – Try being experience oriented rather than goal oriented. Explore and enjoy whatever happens.
Start small, work up to big – Insert small things first- a finger up to the knuckle, a small thin toy, and work up to multiple fingers, bigger toys, cocks, etc. Give the butt time to adjust and open to larger penetration.
Communication – Keep talking! Continue to check in about how things are feeling, how the speed, size, pressure level, textures, are working out. If you are the receiver, be sure to speak up about what is and is not working. Do you need the activity to go slower, stop for a second, or maybe go bigger, faster, harder?
LUBE – Continue to check in about lube levels. Lube often needs to be applied multiple times during anal play and the more lube the better. USE MORE LUBE.
Pull out SLOWLY – Pull toys, cocks, fingers, and anything else you have inserted into the butt out slowly. Just as the butt needs to adjust to things going in, it also needs to slowly adjust to things coming out.
Aftercare – Take some time to care for yourself and your partner/s after play. Cuddle, drink some water, get cleaned up, and check in.
With thanks to Andrew Schiffer for co creating this class with me!